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Could this be the most extreme baptism ever? Download the video here: Baptizado

If you haven’t heard there has been an earth quake and tsunami in Samoa. Being a deeply religious country most of the survivors have headed to Church to pray for assistance.

It is interesting to see that instead of getting themselves together and organising to rescue people and such they instead head to Church to beg God to do it.

Get out of Church and DO IT!

Could this be proof that God exists and that he is an IT worker?

A devout Catholic who popped into church to thank God for a his rescue from a lift was crushed to death by a 860lb stone altar, the Telegraph reports.

This was reported on The Register.

Is the Bible a naughty book? Most definitely. Here we shall document some of the naughtier parts of the Bible.

Genesis 19:30-36. Lot has drunken sex with his two daughters. And they are the ones that seduce him. They get him drunk and then “preserve seed” with their father. The firstborn sleeping with him one night then encouraging her younger sister to sleep with him the next night.

In Genesis 29: 21-28, Jacob had taken a job where he was to be paid entirely in woman. His boss, Laban, promised his daughter Rachel in exchange for seven years of work. After the seven years, Laban pulled a fast one and swapped in his ugly daughter, Leah.

Onanism comes from the Bible, Judah 38:8-10. Onan knew that he should not come in his sister-in-law’s vagina so he pulled out and created the first documented facial. Of course he missed her face and got it on the ground but that isn’t important. Back to the point, he pulls out of his sister-in-law and spills his seed on the ground, paving the way for God to lay down his law about where to cum. Onan was the first man to be struck dead for not ejaculating in the correct spot. Hence why Onanism is the word for Masturbation and/or Coitus interruptus

The Song of Solomon is pretty much about breasts.

“He shall lie all night between my breasts…. His left hand under my head, and his right doth embrace me… Thy young breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies… Come, blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. Thy stature is like a palm tree, and thy breasts are clusters of grapes. I will go up the palm tree, and grasp the boughs. I am a wall, and my breasts are as towers.”

Found this on Yahoo! Answers today. Thought you all might want a little chuckle.

Yahoo Answers

Someone today mentioned something rather interesting to me and I have to expand upon her idea. She mentioned that folks that have never heard the word of God are set to enter heaven or at least purgatory. So while the heathens continue to live in their traditional ways and are none the wiser the Devil gets no new souls.

BUT! When the Christians come along preaching the word of God it opens up the barrel of new souls for the Devil. Because no matter how hard the Christians try, some folks just don’t want to give up hundreds, if not thousands of years of tradition to follow a dude who was nailed to a tree. And those folks bolster the Devil, their souls going to Hell since they heard the word and turned away.

So the Christians are shooting themselves in the foot. According to their own documents those that know about God and turn away are sent to Hell. Those that do not yet know won’t be going to Hell. They may not get into Heaven but at least they won’t join the armies of Hell to fight against Jesus.

From the Original Soap Box: 

Scripture does not tell Christians to convert the heathen—it commands us to preach the Gospel of Christ, because “It is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Rom 1:16). God converts them by the power of His Word; we simply bring the message.

If this is the way it is meant to be why is it that so many people seem to feel the need to preach it loudly at me and when I turn away from them they seem mightily offended that I didn’t listen to them, entranced by their magical fairy tale? Why must they follow me, accoust me on the streets and even come to my door? Where is the opt-out so I don’t get preached at all the time? And why do they get so upset when I try to talk to them about my own beliefs?

That is the part that really gets me. They come up to me to teach me about their religion, why can’t they be tolerant enough to understand that I am happy to listen to them if they are happy to listen to me? So I am going to Hell for rejecting their teachings but it is possible that they could go to the Basement for not listening to me. That is the reward for those that ignore the teachings of Lanky.

So you have found the light and realised that Religion isn’t for you. But you have children. Children that have been raised as devout believers. How do you tell them that you no longer believe after so many years of telling them that belief is the only way forward?

This article helps find a way. 

Sometimes I get letters from former former Evangelical/fundamentalist Christians who are also parents. “What do I say to my kids?” they ask. “I raised them to believe that without the blood of Jesus they are evil sinners. What a horrible thing for them to think! I feel guilty.” “All of their friends are members of our old church, so we keep going. I don’t want to tear them apart, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to pretend.” “When I try to talk to them they just cry. They think I’m going to hell.”

Very useful ideas here.

Matthew 7:1-6

The most misquoted part of the Bible. Aethists have used Matthew 7:1 for years to ask why Christians judge others. If we read further we see that it is more than just judging.

The focus should be on why is it that so many Christian leaders judge Adulterers, Homosexuals and non-Christians with such vigour? The Bible tells us that when you judge, you will be judged with the same terms. If a priest made a judgement that all Homosexuals are evil and deserve to die what is to stop others from judging that all priests are evil and also deserve to die?

Both parties have missed the point of this Bible passage. It is not a message saying we shouldn’t judge, nor is it a message saying we should judge. It is a message saying we need to think about how we are judging and what effect that judgement will have on others and on yourself.

We need less harsh judgement and more empathy.

If we take the Bible literally, word for word, here is who we can kill without fear of retribution from God.

• Homosexuals (Lev 20:13 and Romans 1:26-32)
• Adulterers (Lev 20:10 and Deut 22:22)
• Disobedient children (Deut 21:20-21, Lev 20:9 and Exod 21:15)
• Women who are not virgins on their wedding night (Deut 22:13-21)
• All non-Christians (parable told by Christ – Luke 19:27)
• Those accused of wickedness by at least two people (Deut 17:2-7)
• Anyone who works n the Sabbath (Exod 35:2-3 and Num 15:32-36)

Women cop it fairly bad in the Bible

• Lot saves the messengers from the men of Sodom by offering up his virgin daughters to “do to them as you please” (Gen 19:8)
• “Kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save yourself for every girl who has never slept with a man” (Moses – Num 31:17-18)

Slavery gets a mention too

• God supports it (Lev 25:44-46, Exod 21:2-8, Eph 6:5 and Col 3:22)
• Instructions on how to sell your daughter as a slave (Exod 21:7-8)
• When to give your slaves “severe” or “light” beatings (Luke 12:42-48)
• It is Ok to beat your slaves only if they don’t die within two days (Exod 21:20-21)
• How to mark your slave: drive an awl through its ear (Deut 15:17)

And for anyone that says, “The Old Testament is brutual but the New Testament over rules it, this is not quite correct. Christ even says so, Matt 5:17-19

I found this passage on WhyWontGodHealAmputees.com

Dear God, almighty, all-powerful, all-loving creator of the universe, we pray to you to cure every case of cancer on this planet tonight. We pray in faith, knowing you will bless us as you describe in Matthew 7:7, Matthew 17:20, Matthew 21:21, Mark 11:24, John 14:12-14, Matthew 18:19 and James 5:15-16. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen

It has really gotten me thinking, why do people ask the big fella in the sky for so much? And would people even bother praying if the afore mentioned Bible passages didn’t offer the promise that God will deliver everything you ask for?

The Dictionary definition of Prayer: a devout petition to God or an object of worship.

But what is prayer? Is prayer a way of communicating to God or is it man’s “holy” outlet for greed? Or could it be the easiest way to get more followers. “Pray to our God and you will get whatever you want if you believe enough”. Sounds like a damn good pick up line to me. I’d believe in a box of cereal if it said “Believe in me, pray to me nightly and I will grant you your every desire”.

Unfortunately prayer rarely ends up with tangible evidence of completion. You can spend weeks praying for a cure to a loved one’s cancer. Sometimes they get better. It could be through the power of prayer, it could also be through the power of science. You can pray for rain in a drought stricken town. Chances are that one day it will rain but is that because your prayed for it or because weather patterns do vary and it can go for months without rain in certain parts of the world?

I prayed once. I had injured myself as a child and was quite a long way from home. I had fallen off my bike in the bush. I prayed for someone to come and help. In the end I had to drag myself out of the bush and get myself patched up. Is this definitive proof that prayer is a waste of time? Certainly not, scientific process dictates that I should repeat this process multiple times to confirm this finding but it did lead me to the belief that the only thing that gets you what you want is your own hard work.

The end result was that when you take a look at a Prayer about non-ambiguous requests, “Please lift this fallen tree off of my leg”, God never answers with the requested action. When this statement is proposed to religious believers the most common come back is, “God has a plan and is using the tree to teach you a lesson about being resourceful”.

I would like to see some verifiable proof to show that a Prayer is successful. And this can’t be an ambiguous prayer. You can’t pray for God to cure a cancer patient as there is no way to prove that God did it instead of science. Go forth folks, prove me wrong about prayer being a waste of time!